Co-Sleeping at its Best!!!

For a while, I've been doing my best to get into a bedtime routine and put the kids to bed at a reasonable time so that I might have a few moments of adult time. It's been very working well and Anna and I have both been enjoying our evening time. Tonight I wanted to move to the next step and get Lilli used to sleeping on her own. I don't think he is ready to move to the other room and the pack-and-play is too small so, just like her brother, she now has her own pallet. When I was laying with Lilli, Jaiden came over and asked if he could lay with us. After about 15 minuets, I got up and this is what I saw.


I'm not sure how long it will last but it was way too cute to pass up the picture...
In love and light,
Steph, Anna, Jaiden and Lilli

randomness

some of the randomness that is running through my head this morning:

-mosquito bite remedies

-fishing knots

-class tonight

-cloth diapers

-ashville, NC

-puppy pictures

-cleaning velcro

I want to remember this!!!

I am feeling the need to write this down so on the 'not so good days' I can look back and say for certain that yes! It really does get better and yes! I have been there before and I will be back soon. So what is this all about? Well, spring in finally springing and I love spring. Business is getting better. (just one at the moment but I have faith that the other will be soon to follow. With spring comes my list of things to do which usually isn't a good thing but, I have the time and money to do them. I'm excited about the projects Jaiden and I can do together and what we will learn from each other in the process which brings me to my next !!! My kids ROCK and I love the way we are raising them! There is nothing like seeing how other people parent to remind you of how good you are. (and that's all I'll say about that.) next on my !!! list is that I finally blocked the people on facebook that I don't like. Every time I read a post I would get angry at them or me so... I blocked them. I want positive people and feelings in my life and if you don't fit into that category, I'll block you too. :) I love me too much and it's taken me a long time to get to that point.
So to summarize, I rock, my girl is amazing, my kids are beyond words, my family loves and supports me and in anna's words, life just keeps getting better and better and I can't wait to see what comes next!!!

Postpartum

So, I've figured out that parenting tests you to the core of your being. (All of the seasoned parents out there are laughing because it's something they already found out how ever many years ago.) It's not a bad kind of testing, it's just a constant, every moment of every day test to see if you can be the best you that you can be. I have to admit that sometimes, I'm not up for the challenge.
Right now, I really believe in postpartum depression. (Not that I didn't before). I believe that it's not just a hormonal thing even though that can have a lot to do with things. It's and everything thing. I teach a childbirth education class and I always say that the last stage of birthing is called transformation because you are transforming mentally and physically into a family. A new kind of family. You've been parents for 9 months and now, at that moment, your family changes or transforms into a brand new, wonderful, amazing, overwhelming and unpredictable family. With that 1 single act, in that lone moment, so much changes. I'll tell my story now in the hopes that someone else can relate and not feel like I do a this moment.
Today is February 19, 2010. I have 2 amazing children. Jaiden is 3.5 and Lilli is almost 4 months. Jaiden loves firetrucks and books. He has an amazing way of looking at the world that always teaches me something, usually just to stop and enjoy the moment. Lilly is still new so her personality is just coming out. She loves to watch people and she LOVES attention. I feel like both of my kids were meant for me. We click in a way that I know we have been together before. When I was trying to get pregnant with Jaiden, it took a long time; 2.5 years to be exact. When he was born, my labor was also very long (about 36 hours.) Looking back now, it feels like everything with Jaiden has been slow and gradual. Sometimes this gradual was good, like learning to talk and sometimes it was a bit more challenging like when he was learning to sleep through the night. Before we got pregnant with Lilli, we knew that she was going to be completely different and it took me a while but I finally got to the point where I knew she would be equally wonderful and still completely different. Well, she is. I got pregnant with her on the first try and she was born in under 3 hours. She is already rolling over and she just wants to go.
I tell you all of this because I think with Jaiden, I had the chance to adjust to the "transformation". We were trying so hard to conceive him and I was so ready when it finally happened. During his birth, I really had time to adjust to becoming a mom. With Lilli this time around, I feel like I'm playing catch up. Not only am I adjusting to being a mom of 2, I'm also adjusting to not working because we decided that's what would work for our family. I love being home with my kids. I've had the chance to re- get to know my son and the wonderful person that he is. I'm also getting to know this beautiful little girl too. I can honestly say that it's the hardest think I've ever done. It's not hard in a physically way because changing diapers and cleaning the dishes are not hard tasks. It's hard in a mental/ emotional way. You 'job' is never done and there is never that sense of completion. When you change a diaper you can't check it off your list because in a few hours, there will be another one, and in a few more hours, there will be another one after that. Preschoolers are very wonderful in that they KNOW what they want and what they don't want. At least half of the time, what they don't want directly conflicts with what you do want or what needs to happen like going groceries shopping or taking a bath. On good day, these are opportunities for me to be creative. What fun ways can I come up with to get him in the tub today? Is it food coloring or light up ice cubes, or maybe just a "fire in the tub" where we have to get the "fire hose" out. On the not so good days, he wins. On the really bad day, I win and we are all crying.
All I really want to do is be a great mom and I'm beginning to re-realize that even with 2 kids, I still need me time. I still need to feed my soul. Even though I'm not making the money to support my family, I still need to feel valued. We are still very much in the transition period. (Right now, both kids have runny noses which is rare for us and I can't help but think that it's from me not being happy.) My partner and I are still trying to figure out what our roles are and how we can still be Anna, Stephanie and Us.
A while ago I posted on facebook that I'm trying to find my path and a friend responded that it was to the playground so my goal for today, go to the playground.