Ugh...

So I think this blog is more about me venting but here I go again. I'm usually VERY good at staying positive but I think that is also in part because I can acknowledge the negative then move on. This post is my attempt at acknowledging the negative, learning from it then... moving on. I really need to be working (which is one source for my dismay) but I really need to get this out too.

There seems to be SO MUCH bad going on right now. L is teething so she has been grumpy and crying and not sleeping for 4 days. I get so frustrated when I can't help her. It seems like I can't do anything to help her feel better. J is awesome and he has also started lying and being very demanding. I know that I can effect this but I'm just not sure how yet. I've been listening to "Nonviolent Communication" and I feel like there is an answer in there somewhere. Now, A. She is going through a major change which I totally support, really. And I'm getting worried about our finances. We just found out today that the business is getting audited. UGH! I really don't think it will be too bad but still. Then she comes home 30 mins late on my night. I know that sounds silly but Monday nights I am supposed to have class. It's a standing thing just about. Since I don't have a class which is another story, I decided to take the time (this time) to "work" on my business. Advertise the class, return emails, make connections, ect... And she was late. I had a meeting tonight that I told her about and still... My need for respect is not being met. I know that she is going through a lot and I am doing everything I can to support her and our family which also means I need some time for myself; away from her and the kids. So. The other part of that is I really want to help her through this. I want to sit down with her and talk it out which usually helps both of us but tonight, I just needed some space away from all of the stuff. Now, onto me. I'm frustrated and scared that I didn’t have anyone sign up for this series. I have 3 students for 2 future classes which is good so what can I do to get more students. I also don't have a doula client right now (except the one that is due in June) and I would really like 1per month. It would help with my skills (more practice), my connections, and my money situation which would all help my confidence level. I would almost rather have the doula clients right now and I do love teaching too. I also have the opportunity to teach at another location but I'm not sure where to go with it so for now, I'm going to continue down both roads to see where they lead. I know the obvious choice will show up very quickly. Ok, I feel better. I was recently talking to my mom about my eating. I realized that I eat because I really enjoy food. So I was looking to see where in my life I need more enjoyment that I'm not getting and overall, I am very happy with my live. Everyone has stuff that want better but who am I to complain (if you don't count the occasional ranting above :) ). Well, she brought up that eating is sometimes a control issue and ding, ding, ding, ding!!!!! I feel like I don’t have any control over my kids, my wife, my clients, my money. I just do the best with what comes at me. So, I eat. My new resolve it to channel that into me time. I'm going to eat what I really do enjoy including more fruit, and walk more. My motto lately has been "there just aren’t enough hours in the day" but I think I just need to be inspired to do it and look for creative solutions. Drop the things that don't feel good and do more of the things that do feel good. Does that mean I'm living in denial? O’well, Egypt is usually not a bad place to live.